top 10 reads of 2020

Third year in a row of Top 10 Reads—it’s officially a tradition!  After the general dumpster fire that was 2020, it’s nice to have an uplifting list of good books to look back on. 
 
I studied for two of my PC(USA) ordination exams and took a C.S. Lewis class this year, so prepare to see that reflected below.  I also found some great novels and interesting autobiographical reads, so if you’re into those, these are a few I’d highly recommend! 
 
Happy New Year, and here’s to finding more good books in 2021!
 
1.  Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, by Barbara Kingsolver
 

“It’s hard to reduce our modern complex of food choices to unifying principles, but this is one that generally works:  eating home-cooked meals from whole, in-season ingredients obtained from the most local source available is eating well, in every sense.  Good for the habitat, good for the body.”
 
I love Barbara Kingsolver’s novels (The Poisonwood Bible is one I hope to revisit sometime soon), but it was fun to read something from her actual life as well.  This is a “food memoir” of sorts—an account of her family’s experiment in eating only home-grown or locally sourced food for an entire year.  She shares personal stories about growing and raising food, data-driven commentary on American food culture, and helpful information on supporting local agriculture.  It’s not just for “foodies,” but anyone interested in healthier, more compassionate eating.  And it includes seasonal recipes… you’re welcome 😉

 
2.  I’m Fine and Neither Are You, by Camille Pagán
 

“I loved my husband.  I loved my kids.  I mostly liked my life.  But I was so damn tired.”
 
Camile Pagán has become my go-to author for quick, witty, and eerily relatable stories.  This is a simultaneously heartbreaking and hilarious novel about a woman named Penelope who realizes that her life is taking place around her while she somehow feels barely in control of it.  In her words, change is “a privilege reserved for people whose families didn’t rely on them for food, shelter, and health insurance.”  Sound familiar? But when an unexpected loss rocks her “normal” world, Penelope decides to reevaluate her marriage, her job choices, and who it is that she ultimately wants to be.   

  
 
3.  The Name of the Wind, by Patrick Rothfuss
 

“My name is Kvothe… I have stolen princesses back from sleeping barrow kings.  I burned down the town of Trebon.  I have spent the night with Felurian and left with both my sanity and my life.  I was expelled from the University at a younger age than most people are allowed in.  I tread paths by moonlight that others fear to speak of during day.  I have talked to Gods, loved women, and written songs that make the minstrels weep.  You may have heard of me.”
 
This one’s for all my fantasy nerd friends (or anyone who wants a great introduction).  Think of it as Lord of the Rings meets Game of Thrones—world-building, intrigue, and magical storytelling at its finest.  It’s the wayward tale of a mysterious hero named Kvothe, told in his own words.  This book and its sequel, The Wise Man’s Fear, are part of the Kingkiller Chronicles trilogy (the third of which is still in the works, so it may be wiser to hold off if you can’t handle the wait!).  They’re decently long, but so compelling that I flew through them both in a matter of weeks.  What can I say?  I’m a sucker for magic and marvel.
 
4.  Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, by Lori Gottlieb
 

“No matter how open we as a society are about formerly private matters, the stigma around our emotional struggles remains formidable.”
 
Lori Gottlieb is a therapist.  And she’s funny.
 
This book is what we get when the therapist realizes she needs a therapist—a select combination of client stories, personal confession, psychology lessons, and candid humor.  She normalizes the struggle of merely being human and writes about understanding and accepting oneself while attempting that monumental (and often miserably comical) task of changing oneself for the better.       

 
5.  This We Believe: Eight Truths Presbyterians Affirm, by Stephen W. Plunkett
 

“…I am reminded that God calls me not to be successful, but to be faithful.”
 
Out of all the books I read in studying for my Reformed Theology ordination exam, this one came to the top of my list.  It is a concise, accessible, and informative summary of the basic tenets of the Reformed faith—the branch of Christianity built upon the teachings of John Calvin (a 16^th century contemporary of Martin Luther during the Protestant Reformation).  The book begins with a broad overview of Scripture, and then lays out eight core beliefs that Reformed theology teaches.  If you belong to or have ever been curious about the Presbyterian tradition, or wonder what buzzwords like “sovereignty,” “election,” “total depravity,” and “sanctification” mean, this is a phenomenal read.  It was very encouraging and made me grateful to have been called to ministry in the Presbyterian church.  

 
6.  Rewilding the Way: Break Free to Follow an Untamed God, by Todd Wynward
 

“We’ve become like domestic house pets, tamed by the twin masters of nonstop technology and comfy consumerism.  How we who follow the Way of Jesus choose to act right now—in this “watershed moment” of history—matters more than ever.”
 
As you can probably tell by the quote above, Todd Wynward doesn’t mince words when diagnosing the state of the church in the midst of American culture.  As someone who practices what he preaches, Wynward urges the followers of Jesus to embrace the way of the wilderness:  accumulating less, stewarding more, and daring to follow the Holy Spirit into uncomfortable, but transformative, spaces.  This is what the people of God—the citizens of a different Kingdom—have always done.  Rewilding the Way is part Bible study, part environmental guidebook.  I highly recommend it for anyone jaded by the broken Western promise of the “good life,” and who may be passionate about reviving the faith communities and ecological habitats in which they live. 
 
7.  The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis
 

“She immediately stepped into the wardrobe and got in among the coats… A moment later she found that she was standing in the middle of a wood at night-time with snow under her feet…”
 
I put The Lord of the Rings trilogy in my “Top 10 of the 2010s” list, but the Narnia books belong in the same vein.  Not only were Lewis and Tolkien professors together at Oxford, they were also very good friends—based largely on their shared Christian faith and love of mythology.  They wrote the kind of stories they loved to read and brought new worlds and creatures to life for the rest of us. 
 
This was the third time I’ve read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.  The language is a bit dated, but the marvel of the Pevensie kids going to Narnia to defeat the White Witch was just as good as ever… and I have more appreciation for Lewis’ theological imagination now than I did as a kid.  Not to mention the fact that Mr. Beaver’s line about Aslan is one of my favorites of all time: “Who said anything about safe?  ’Course he isn’t safe.  But he’s good.  He’s the King, I tell you.”    
 
8.  Mere Christianity, by C.S. Lewis
 

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”
 
In addition to his creative fiction, Lewis gained a reputation in his time (and since) as a profound Christian apologist.  Mere Christianity is a collection of his World War II radio broadcasts, which attempted to convey the logic of faith to a wide, war-torn British audience.  It’s an approachable Christian primer for anyone who values reason, the pursuit of truth, and discussions of faith and morality.  His assumption of universal truth may chafe a bit against current postmodern worldviews, but it’s a thoughtful text to engage with regardless.  The whole book is good, but “Book 4” (on the Trinity) was my favorite.

 
9.  Resonate: Present Visual Stories that Transform Audiences, by Nancy Duarte
 

“Ideas are not really alive if they are confined to only one person’s mind.”
 
If you’re in a position of having to craft presentations, public speeches, or even sermons, this is a great resource!  Nancy Duarte has made a living out of analyzing remarkable presentations (like MLK’s “I Have a Dream” speech or Steve Jobs’ iPhone rollout, for example) and helping others who want to change the world with their ideas create similar experiences for their listeners.  She advocates for adding narrative and emotion back into our speeches, compelling the audience to take your great vision for the future and make it real.  The book is full of good advice and tips for finding your main point, narrowing content, creating interesting contrast, and honing your message so that it will resonate and create lasting change. 

 
10.  Winter Garden, by Kristin Hannah
 

“Her name is Vera, and she is a poor peasant girl, a nobody.  She lives in a magical realm called the Snow Kingdom, but her beloved world is dying…”
 
Two young girls in modern day Washington state have grown up estranged from their Russian mother, whose cold demeanor would only warm when she told them fairy tales in the dark.  After a traumatic event that forces the three of them to interact with one another again as adults, the fairy tale continues to unfold…
 
This was the last book I finished this year (a fantastic recommendation from my mother-in-law) and I’m happy to have gotten to include Kristin Hannah in yet another Top 10 Reads list.  Similar to The Nightingale, she weaves historical events—in this case Stalin’s “Reign of Terror” and the 900-Day Siege of Leningrad—into a fiction about strong women and family relationships.  I stayed up until 2 AM two nights in a row to finish it.  So good… and the end will have you wonderfully shocked.

"Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are." -Mason Cooley

a decade in print: top 10 from the 2010s

As I was finishing up my “Top 10 Reads of 2019” post, Matt suggested that I should do a favorites list from the whole decade—just for fun, of course (he knows me so well).

Typically, one might expect it would be difficult to even remember all the books they’ve read in the last 10 years… but being the type of person who loves both reading and keeping lists of things, I started writing down—in both chronological and alphabetical order—all the books I’d ever finished starting in 2009!  A bit embarrassing actually, but the nerd in me secretly relishes having this gargantuan list of books to look back on (exactly 270 of them, to be precise).

Long story short, these are some of my favorite reads of all time.  Please enjoy!

1.  The Harry Potter series, by J.K. Rowling

“Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”

I read these when I was a kid and over again as an adult… still just as good.  They probably don’t need a lot of intro or explanation other than to say that while the movies are phenomenal, the books are still reams better.  Read them if you haven’t yet!  They’re quick and delightful and will make you want a real life grown-up wand and an invisibility cloak to match.  Also, if it seems like cheating to pick a whole series for a Top 10 list… well, too bad, it’s my list and you can make your own ;)

2.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy, by J.R.R. Tolkien

“…all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.”

For similar reasons, I couldn’t not put these on the list.  LOTR will be one of my favorite book and movie series of all time for as long as I live.  I’m a huge fantasy geek and I think Tolkien was brilliant (The Hobbit is wonderful as well).  Again, these are great to read even if you’ve seen the movies.  Thoughtful, entertaining, imaginative… sometimes going on an epic other-worldly adventure is just what you need after a few days in the real world, amiright?

3.  The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho

“Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.”

I’ve read The Alchemist three times, and each time I’ve like it better than the last.  It’s about a shepherd boy from Andalusia, Spain who goes in search of a great treasure he believes lies buried near the Pyramids in Egypt.  Throughout his journey he encounters remarkable friends and ideas that point him in a direction he least expects.  Though not a Christian novel, Coehlo utilizes Biblical concepts and undertones that give an incredible depth to the story.  It scratches at the meanings of life hidden under the surface of our everyday experience.    

4.  The Story of God, the Story of Us, by Sean Gladding

“Life is hard.  We know that.  And that is why we must tell each other the Story, and keep telling it, to do exactly what God has continually told us to do:  remember… remember… remember.”

I know few people who have read the Bible the entire way through (though I would recommend that, too, if you have a chance!).  But in this book, Sean Gladding reminds us of the way Biblical stories used to be told—over a campfire or around a table, where family and friends share their shared heritage with one another.  He tells the over-arching story of the Bible from the eyes of those who lived it, whether in the Babylonian exile or in small house churches in the Roman Empire.  It is a well-written, highly accessible narrative of the whole story:  the story of God and of the people who continue to encounter Him.    

5.  The Ragamuffin Gospel, by Brennan Manning

“My deepest awareness of myself is that I am deeply loved by Jesus Christ and I have done nothing to earn it or deserve it.”

This is one of those books that came at just the right time in my life.  Brennan Manning, a recovering alcoholic and former Franciscan priest, writes in a way that brims with vulnerability and grace.  He shares his experiences and reflections on what he sees as the true gospel of Jesus:  that God is not in the business of tallying our successes and failures, but is constantly reaching out with “furious love” to all of us struggling “ragamuffins” who continue to need his help despite our best efforts.

6.  The Me I Want to Be, by John Ortberg

“The main measure of your devotion to God is not your devotional life. It is simply your life.”

This book found me shortly after college, as I was just starting in ministry and learning what it means to be an adult out on my own.  I read it with a beloved mentor of mine, and it helped me process who I am rather than who I felt I was supposed to be.  Turns out it’s pretty scary and vulnerable to shed the façade of being a “good Christian” in favor of surrendering ourselves to the One who makes us fully human.  I haven’t quite figured it out yet, but Ortberg gives his readers plenty of insight into God’s love and encouragement to keep trying. 

7.  The Great Divorce, by C.S. Lewis

“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, ‘Thy will be done,’ and those to whom God says, in the end, ‘Thy will be done.’  All that are in Hell, choose it.  Without that self-choice there could be no Hell.  No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it.  Those who seek find.  To those who knock it is opened.”

This book is C.S. Lewis’s fictional story of a man who travels on a bus from Hell to Heaven, and discovers their distinction in the process.  In characteristic Lewis style, it is a clever and theologically weighty narrative that portrays Hell as “locked from the inside” by those who wish to keep themselves separated from God and others, while those in Heaven encounter what is really real—the fullness of joy and light and becoming.  The characters are sharp, the imagery is beautiful, and the implications are meant to be wrestled with for a long time. 

8.  Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: and How You Can Make Yours Last, by John Gottman

“If there is one lesson I have learned from my years of research it is that a lasting marriage results from a couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts that are inevitable in any relationship.”

Matt and I read this book in our second year of marriage, and we’ve recommended it to many, many other couples since.  It’s been the most helpful and rewarding of all the books on marriage that we’ve read thus far—primarily because it deals with how couples engage in conflict.  Gottman, who has done 20+ years of research on marital intimacy and longevity, helps his readers identify their “conflict style”—from avoidant to validating to volatile—noting that any of these can be healthy so long as the couple maintains a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions.  He also explains the behaviors and assumptions that can lead to disaster over time.  Well worth the read even if you’ve been married for years, and especially if you’ve just tied the knot!     

9.  The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah   

“Men tell stories… women get on with it.  For us it was a shadow war.  There were no parades for us when it was over, no medals or mentions in history books.  We did what we had to during the war, and when it was over, we picked up the pieces and started our lives over.”

This one is a repeat from my “Top 10” of 2018 (posted here), so I won’t go into much more detail.  Suffice it to say the story has left a lasting impression on me, and I’m grateful to have been given a glimpse (albeit a historically fictional one) into the bravery and commitment of women in World War II and the lessons they learned.  Still a page-turner and an all-time favorite.

10.  East of Eden, by John Steinbeck

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.”

I read Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men back in high school, but hadn’t picked up this classic until a few years ago when it was chosen by our book club.  Consequently, I highly suggest finding a friend or two to read it with because getting to talk about the character complexity and story arc with other people brought out so much more from the book than I would have experienced on my own.  The plot is essentially a modern, multi-generational exploration of the Cain and Abel story from Genesis set in California in the mid-1900s, and it is fascinating.  I underlined in the book, wrote notes and questions in the margins, and loved getting to mull over its intricate themes. 

 

Just making this list made me want to go re-read several of these books all over again.  They’ve stayed on my shelf for that very reason.  If you manage to read (or have already read) any of them, I’d love to hear your thoughts!  And, as always, other recommendations from your own “favorites list” are more than welcome.  Happy reading!

"The more that you read, the more things you will know.  The more that you learn, the more places you'll go."  -Dr. Seuss

top 10 reads of 2019

I know we’re a few weeks past the end of 2019, but I made this “Top 10 Reads” list last year and wanted to make sure to do it again this year—mostly because it’s fun for me to recap!  I made it through 23 books in 2019, so the list was very difficult to narrow down.  It also turned out to be a bit eclectic…

Like last year, three amazing novels made the Top 10—two repeat authors, too (what can I say?  Fredrik Backman and Kristin Hannah have a gift).  I read plenty of others, but there were so many good non-fictions that needed mentioning, I couldn’t pass them up!  Several books came out of the last classes I took for seminary (woo!), so they lean theological, if you’re into that.  The others are life-focused and a bit random.  Two even touch on some “controversial” topics (i.e. sex…), but are worth every minute.    

Again, these are in no particular order and not necessarily published in 2019… it’s just when they made it onto my nightstand.  
Hope you enjoy!

1.  God Over Good: Saving Your Faith by Losing Your Expectations of God, by Luke Norsworthy

“When we relinquish expectations, we can move to acceptance and awareness of the God who doesn’t reside in the box of our expectations, but in all.”

2019 kicked off for me with a book that had been a Christmas gift from a dear friend—and man, was it a solid way to start the year.  As a pastor out of Texas, this was Norsworthy’s first published book [in addition to his weekly podcast called “Newsworthy with Norsworthy”] and it was a smashing success!  As an MDiv student I can get snooty and skeptical about books like this (clearly not my best quality), but the writing was honest, refreshing, and surprisingly funny.  He uses great stories and metaphors to talk about how we approach God and the expectations we put on faith, and how often these lead to disappointment.  I found myself relating a lot to his experiences of doubt, but also in the end, to his embrace of a God who is a whole lot bigger than our expectations. 

2.  American War, by Omar El Akkad

“It seemed sensible to crave safety, to crave shelter from the bombs and the Birds and the daily depravity of war.  But somewhere deep in her mind an idea had begun to fester—perhaps the longing for safety was itself just another kind of violence—a violence of cowardice, silence, submission.  What was safety, anyway, but the sound of a bomb falling on someone else’s home?”

My first novel of the year was an American dystopia set in the latter half of this century.  It was another debut book by a new author, and again so good!  “Haunting” is a word that might best describe the plot and especially the main character, Sarat. 

In the story, the U.S. is in the midst of its Second Civil War—brought on by devastating climate change—and the southern states are rebelling against the ban on oil and the control of a drone-powered northern government.  When Sarat’s father is killed, she and her family are taken to Camp Patience, where she is ultimately radicalized and made into a weapon of war.  The story was slow at points, but always chilling—especially as it reminds you of what can happen when acts of revenge are allowed to continue in perpetuity.  It hits like a warning… a little too close to home for comfort, but worth reading for that exact reason. 

3.  Toughest People to Love: How to Understand, Lead, and Love the Difficult People in Your Life—Including Yourself, by Chuck DeGroat

“I’m convinced that in God’s economy of grace, nothing is wasted—not our failures, not even our biggest sins.”

I wrote a post inspired by this book shortly after I read it (you can read it here), so I won’t go into too much detail.  DeGroat writes most specifically to pastors or those who attempt to lead or love others out of a faith-filled life, but his concepts are applicable to anyone.  He writes very practically about different types of “difficult” people we encounter, how to maintain boundaries, what it means that we’re all children of God, and how we can foster emotional and spiritual health in ourselves.  In essence, he makes the point that we’re each a mess, but that trying for “perfection” is short-changing ourselves from the real fulfillment of compassion and wholeness.

4.  Leaving Church: A Memoir of Faith, by Barbara Brown Taylor

“I wanted to recover the kind of faith that has nothing to do with being sure what I believe and everything to do with trusting God to catch me though I am not sure of anything.”

I first heard of Barbara Brown Taylor through her reputation as a phenomenal preacher (I have listened to her sermons—the reputation is well-deserved).  Turns out she is also a wonderful writer.  She has many books that I’m now eager to read, but her memoir was a highlight for me in 2019.  It is the tale of her call to ministry, the struggles of pastoral self-care, growing graciously with God even when it meant hard changes, and settling into the “living practice” of faith.  Her writing style is reminiscent of Barbara Kingsolver, full of transparency, wit, and practical wisdom.  

 

5.  Us Against You, by Fredrik Backman

“The complicated thing about good people and bad people alike is that most of us can be both at the same time.”

I was so excited to read Backman’s sequel to the novel I loved so much last year (Beartown).  And while it’s nearly as good as its predecessor, it’s still miles ahead of most fiction.  Backman has a way of embracing the messy humanity of his characters and fleshing out the grit of local culture, relationships, and loyalties. 

The story starts in the wake of the fallout in Beartown, where some in the community have left for the nearby rival town of Hed.  It follows a family trying to heal, a hockey team threatening to shut down, and the question of whether something can go back to being as simple as “us vs. you” in a game that’s been complicated by politics, money, and severed ties.  You may not relate to the plot or the setting, but you’ll relate to the characters and be all the better for it. 

6.  True Colors, by Kristin Hannah

“…remember we’re sisters.”

In addition to Backman’s novel, I also got to read a second book by Kristin Hannah this year.  It was a perfect summer read.  I was excited to find that it was set on a ranch in Western Washington, complete with horses and wet weather and a family of sisters (as I’ve had a taste of all of those things), and it was yet another (like Us Against You) that felt grounded in its place and its characters.  The story focuses on the three sisters and their relationships with three men in their lives—their father, the “boy next door,” and an unexpected visitor that comes to town and turns their whole lives upside down.    

7.  Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski

“I wrote this book to share the science, stories, and sex-positive insights that prove to us that, despite our culture’s vested interest in making us feel broken, dysfunctional, unlovely, and unlovable, we are in fact fully capable of confident, joyful sex.”

This is a book written by a woman for other women.  Well, mostly—men can definitely get some helpful insights out of it as well!  But truly, it was an extraordinary read for someone like me who had very little insight about sex until adulthood and is still figuring it out. 

We can be honest here:  the cultural messages women get around sex are pretty shitty.  And, as Nagoski writes, it’s easy to assume that female sexuality is basically “Men’s Sexuality Lite.”  Not so, it turns out.  Matt and I read this book together and discovered lots of things about relationships, how bodies are wired, and what we can do to make our marriage better and more honoring to who each of us is.  

8.  Changing Our Mind, by David P. Gushee

“…in this book I am asking whether the Church should change our mind and our practices in relation to Christian LGBTQ people and their relationships—not because we are under pressure from a hostile culture to do so, but because within the terms of our own faith we might now conclude that this is one of those cases in 2,000 years of Christian history where we have gotten some things wrong.”

David Gushee is a well-respected evangelical ethicist who, at one time, agreed with the historical Christian tradition that says same-sex relationships are considered by God to be sinful.  In this book, he takes readers step-by-step through many of the reasons for this perspective, including the Biblical texts that speak about “homosexuality,” and challenges the literary and contextual assumptions we’ve made in the past.  He also honors the authority of experience, concluding that the Church should—as we did with slavery and anti-Semitism—repent of our historical understanding and treatment of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters, and advocate for their full inclusion in the Church.  Whether or not you agree with Gushee’s conclusions, I would encourage all Christians to read and at least consider what he has to say.   

9.  The End of Apologetics: Christian Witness in a Postmodern Context, by Myron Bradley Penner

“There are times and ways in which a given ‘defense’ of the faith does more harm than good to the cause of Christ.”

1 Peter 3:15 says, “Always be ready to make your defense to anyone who demands from you an accounting for the hope that is in you.”  For quite a while, giving that defense has meant having all your arguments for God lined up in such a way as to logically overwhelm your doubting opponent.  I’ve actually hated the notion of apologetics (giving an “apology,” or defense of faith) for a long time for that reason—because no one’s heart is changed just because you can out-argue them about the existence of God.  Penner makes the point in this book, though, that arguing to “win” is the exact opposite of apologetics, because the goal of the gospel is never to put anyone else down.  He talks a lot about “truth,” ethics, and defending the faith by actually living it rather than being able to talk about it like an expert.

10.  And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives, by John and Julie Gottman

“The greatest gift you can give your baby is a happy and strong relationship between the two of you.”

Matt and I have been talking more and more in the past several months about what it would be like to have a baby.  Aside from the fact that we’ve been in grad school for a thousand years now, our biggest concern has been how another tiny human will affect our marriage—which for the past seven years has been amazing.  But as the saying goes, “Babies change everything,” along with my personal not-so-favorite, “You’ll never be ready to have a kid.”  I assume this is true, and still… we want to be more ready than just not ready at all when we do decide to start trying.  So when we heard about this book, we decided to make it a priority to read. 

John Gottman is a renowned relationship researcher and author from Seattle, WA.  He and his wife, Julie, co-wrote this book after they had their first child, heard from lots of other new parents, and decided to do several years of research on the subject.  As you might imagine (or have already experienced), the transition into parenthood can put a lot of strain on a marriage.  Fortunately, the Gottmans distilled six key factors that couples who made the transition well had in common—particularly in terms of how to handle conflict—and laid them out in this book.  Knowing that we want to remain a strong team after we have kids, Matt and I are both so grateful to have read it!

aspiring to a wholehearted life

I just finished a book this afternoon for class.  [Class hasn’t actually started yet—our first meeting is tonight, but the book pulled me in and I couldn’t put it down.]  This book is called Toughest People toLove: How to Understand, Lead, and Love the Difficult People in your Life—IncludingYourself, by professor-pastor-counselor Chuck DeGroat. 

We all have tough people in our personal and professional lives (let’s be honest…) so when I saw this book on our syllabus for this quarter, my first thought was, Oh yeah… this is gonna be good.  And it was. 

The long and the short is that I still don’t know how to deal with the people whom I love dearly but drive me crazy—any more than they probably know how to deal with me in my crazy.

The truth is, we all have a little bit of crazy, and we’re all tough, because we’re human. 

But that was kind of the point:  dealing with each other well ultimately means dealing with ourselves and coming to terms with our own messy, annoying, glorious humanity. 

Take the following for example:

The other night I got so frustrated because Matt put a billion chopped onions in our homemade enchiladas.  I had found and followed a recipe in the past which we loved, and this time we decided to do multiple batches at one time because we’re lazy on weeknights and love easy leftovers… but I come into the kitchen, and we’re talking a massive heap of onions in the frying pan.  My immediate (and very verbal) response was to cite the holy grail of cooking texts that was the online enchilada recipe, and flush red over the fact that the onion-to-other-ingredients ratio was about to be massacred by my husband.  I went into a downward spiral about how my cooking decisions are never good enough, how he always wanted to change things, and how he wasn’t taking my desires into consideration.

None of this was true, of course.  He was only trying to be nice and help me make enchiladas.  And he happens to love onions.

The real issue is that I struggle to bend the rules.  I am far more comfortable with following recipes and controlling outcomes.  If I feel “ownership” of a task, I want it to go my own way.  I wanted him to cook how I wanted, not the other way around. 

I can be, apparently, a tough person.

The lesson here is one I’ve been hearing from a cascade of literary and pastoral voices over the last few years—Brené Brown, Thomas Merton, Richard Rohr, Ronald Richardson, and others…

They all seem to grasp the concept that part of being in healthy relationships with others is being in right relationship with God and yourself—experiencing what the Hebrew Scriptures call shalom, a deep and abiding peace and wholeness.   

Part of the problem in my relationships is me.  My life feels disorganized, my brain is fractured, my desires and aspirations are self-absorbed, and I drag around what DeGroat called a “long, invisible bag” stuffed with all the parts of myself I don’t like and don’t want others to see.  The bag gets heavier the longer I pull it around, and unfortunately it doesn’t get lighter without patiently airing out some of that dirty laundry.

I don’t want to do it.  I’d rather have you all think I’m perfect. 

But let’s be honest, “perfect” is boring.  And it’s fake.  The Greek word that we translate “perfect” in the New Testament—as in “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect”—is telios, which (in my imperfect understanding) is similar to shalom:  complete, mature, whole.  It’s less about one ideal standard than all parts working in harmony.   

“Perfect” is annoying, because it’s what we can all pretend we want to be, but no one actually believes we are.  “Whole”—or “wholehearted”—is real and honest and a bit broken, but also somewhat put graciously back together.  And it’s relatable:

It’s the deep breath you get to take when you can admit your own mistakes.

It’s the glass of wine you can have on your couch with a friend with your feet up and your shoes off as you talk about the movie you loved or the work project you’re struggling with.

It’s the spattering sound you can appreciate when you look up from your phone screen and see that it’s raining outside.    

It’s that blog post you never thought you were interesting enough to write. 

It’s the realization that it’s okay to put up boundaries with people that try to claim a lot from you.

It’s the grace that we find in Jesus’ tender and outrageous mercy. 

Failing is okay.  Being honest with ourselves and others is okay.  Putting too many onions in the enchiladas is okay.  The moral of the story here is that my crazy is going to try my best to love your crazy, because beneath all of our collective crazy and deep flaws, our name is Beloved and God said that we are all “very good.”

top 10 reads of 2018

If you’ve known me for any period of time, you probably know I’m a book girl.  Reading has been my go-to down time activity since childhood. 

As a kid, I would read before bed, on car trips, in tree branches, at grandparents’ houses, and even on horseback.  I remember staying up on Christmas night each year pouring over whatever new literary acquisition had made its way into my stack of gifts earlier in the day. (I am particularly fond of all the Christmases spent romping through Hogwarts with Harry, Ron, and Hermione as a young teen… thank you from the bottom of my heart, Ms. Rowling.)

In recent years, graduate school has sucked most of my reading time into a theological vortex of textbooks and Biblical commentaries (which, admittedly, I still love).  Thankfully, though, a super awesome group of book club ladies has kept me connected to fun reading.  Given the many nights of wine and great discussions we’ve had, I thought I’d put together a list of my Top 10 Favorite Reads of this year (because why not, right?).

So, without further ado, here it is—absolutely not exhaustive, and in no particular order, but some fun recommendations and reflections nonetheless J

1.  The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah  

“In love we find out who we want to be; in war we find out who we are.”

Wade through the daily perils of German-occupied France in WWII through the eyes of two sisters—Vianne and Isabelle Rossignol—who have vastly different personalities and ways of coping with their present dangers.  One is practical, the other is impetuous; both demonstrate the power of ordinary women in extraordinary circumstances.

I am in love with this novel.  Kristin Hannah does a masterful job of developing what is clearly a well-researched, dramatic historical fiction.  All of her characters and story plot lines are well-rounded and complex, and fitted with moments that made me wonder if I would have the same type of courage were I in their shoes.  I don’t often read books a second time, but I will definitely come back to this one at some point down the road. 

2.  Beartown, by Fredrik Backman

“The very worst events in life have that effect on a family: we always remember, more sharply than anything else, the last happy moment before everything fell apart.”

Fredrik Backman might be one of my new favorite novelists of all time.  This is the second book of his that I’ve read (after A Man Called Ove), and it is phenomenally real and raw and especially timely in 2018. 

Beartown is set in Backman’s home country of Sweden, and is the name of a small town tucked into the woods, whose only real claim to fame is its boy’s hockey team.  However (*without giving too much away*), the town is shaken when events at a high school party turn into a ‘he-said-she-said’ and threaten the hopes and futures of its citizens.  This story explores community, loyalty, sexuality, shame, and relationships.  Every character has a story, and every choice has a cost.  No matter your background, I highly recommend it!

3.  What is the Bible? How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything, by Rob Bell

“I kept repeating this truth that the Bible was written by humans because when you start there, and you go all the way into the humanity of this library of books, you just may find the divine.  And when you do, you will have gotten there honestly.”

I’ve already written an entire post inspired by this particular book (you can read it here).  But basically, this is a great place to start for anyone who wants a quick overview of all the craziness that happens in the Bible. 

The book is packed with more questions and answers—which is not a bad posture to take when you’re dealing with a text that spans thousands of years, hundreds of characters, and a multitude of theological claims.  Bell attempts to give a fresh look at the depth and breadth of the Bible; and I especially appreciated his take that one must inevitably go through what is human (whether that be stories in Scripture, the person of Jesus, or our own human experience) to encounter the One who is divine.

4.  Waking Up White, by Debby Irving

“…people are not born racist.  Racism is taught, and racism is learned.”

Race and racism are difficult, but incredibly important, topics in our culture today.  For those of us white people who have grown up with the privilege of never having to think about our own race, Debby Irving has written an impactful and very approachable memoir on the subject.  The book gives an overview of systemic racism and the history of dominant white culture in the U.S. and is packed with Irving’s honest personal experience.  Whether you’re actively allied against racism in America or you’ve hardly given thought to the subject, I absolutely recommend this book.  (Our church read it for Lent, and I’ve already touted it to many of our family members and peers.)  So good for anyone wanting to gain new insight or an honest perspective on race and loving one’s neighbors.

5.  Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith, by Anne Lamott

“Here are the two best prayers I know:  ‘Help me, help me, help me,’ and ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’”

I had heard about this book for many years before I actually read it, and I’m so glad I finally did!  Anne Lamott is funny, thoughtful, and brutally honest about the challenges of life and the journey of faith.  She writes about her experiences of childhood, grief, her church community, and being a parent in ways that are simultaneously humorous and gut-wrenching.  Her writing is clever, and her relationship with God is relatable to anyone who has ever wrestled with the concepts of love and mercy.  Loved it and looking forward to reading more!

6.  Of Mess and Moxie: Wrangling Delight Out of This Wild and Glorious Life, by Jen Hatmaker

“”…the truth is, most of life is pretty ordinary, so it is precisely inside the ordinary elements, the same ones found the world over—career, parenting, change, marriage, community, suffering, the rhythms of faith, disappointment, being a good neighbor, being a good human—that an extraordinary life exists.”

Jen Hatmaker is every woman’s favorite sister.  I laughed so hard I cried while reading this book, and Matt started wondering what on earth was wrong with me.  It was a great beach read on our family vacation last summer, and I even took it a second time on a road trip with a girlfriend to read aloud… and we cracked up all over again. 

The book is a compilation of short chapters that highlight the struggles and successes of womanhood in all its glory—broken up by sections of “how-to” lists that satirize the everyday challenges of family life.  From exercising to parenting, and Texas football to the difficulty of forgiveness, her writing left me nodding my head and desiring to own my own intrinsic value in all its messy packaging.

7.  When Breath Becomes Air, by Paul Kalanithi

“…even if I’m dying, until I actually die, I am still living.”

Another memoir that grabbed me this year, this book comes from a writer-turned-neurosurgeon-turned-cancer-patient who struggled with life and death in a variety of ways before it became his own personal battle.  If you cry during books, you will cry by the end… but it’s still very much worth reading.  What happens when the doctor becomes the patient, and has to face his own mortality?  The book shows you how to face questions of meaning, and how to appreciate the life you get to live while you get to live it. 

8.  Bread and Wine: A Love Letter to Life Around the Table (with Recipes), by Shauna Niequist

“It’s about the ways God teaches and nourishes us as we nourish the people around us, and about hunger, both physical and otherwise, and the connections between the two.”

This was the book this year that made me want to sit around my dining room table and enjoy real food and real conversation and real laughter with the people I love most.  Bruschetta and cheese and wine, or frozen pizza and tap water—it doesn’t matter.  The point is hospitality, and sustaining our souls with community while we sustain our bodies with the food that God provides. 

I was encouraged when reading this to slow down for a minute and give myself space and permission to be in the kitchen, learning how to do something new, and recognizing the art of feeding myself and other people as valuable in and of itself (and not this thing I have to do three times every freaking day in order to do all the other more important things.)  Bread and wine, bread and wine, bread and wine—a sacramental practice built into our everyday lives.  How great is that?  

9.  Here If You Need Me, by Kate Braestrup

“I’m not really here to keep you from freaking out.  I’m here to be with you while you freak out, or grieve or laugh or suffer or sing.  It is a ministry of presence.”

Kate Braestrup is a chaplain for the Maine Game Warden Service—the troopers responsible for search and rescue missions.  She tells the story of losing her husband and taking up his mantle to become a chaplain, and about the ways she ministers to terrified family members when a loved one is lost.  It was a fantastic read for me in my preparation for ministry, and I think it’d be a great one for anyone else interested in how to be with others in the midst of uncertainty or loss.

10.  Little Women, by Louisa May Alcott

“I’ve got the key to my castle in the air, but whether I can unlock the door remains to be seen.” 

I fully realize the classics are not everyone’s cup of tea… but for my part, I enjoyed re-reading this book over Christmas break.  It had been so long I’d forgotten the story; and though the language and revelries and objectives of the characters show the book’s age, it was refreshing to be pulled back into a simpler time. 

The book follows the four March sisters and their closest family and friends as they grow up in the 1860’s and beyond.  Jo and Marmee were clear favorite characters, and the book had some good lessons on family bonds, working honestly, and pursuing virtue.  Not everyone will love it, but it is a classic and worth a read (especially with the new movie coming out soon!)

There you have it—a few of the favorites from this year.  Looking forward to reading more in 2019 and would love any wonderful recommendations!  Happy reading, everyone.