lessons i learned in cpe: #2. everyone deserves to tell their story

This is the second “installment” in a series of reflections, or lessons, from my experience in hospital chaplaincy.  For the intro post, please see Lessons I Learned In CPE:  #1. Everyone Has a Story, which leads to lesson #2…
 
Everyone deserves to tell their story.
 
Before CPE even started, two of the long-essay questions on the application had me reflecting on my own story—both spiritually and in life in general.  In keeping with Lesson #1, it’s amazing how much there is to tell when you begin sharing about your life.  The sad part is that most people rarely get that opportunity (at least not in a very real and vulnerable way). 
 
In a time of social media showcasing, we often like to put on our happiest and most successful faces, both online and in person.  When’s the last time someone asked, “How’s it going?” and you felt the courage (or the gnawing compulsion) to admit, “This week’s been really shitty.”?  For many of us, it doesn’t happen all that often. 
 
It’s easier, and far less threatening, to pretend to have everything together and stick to surface-level conversations.  But not everything is flowers and rainbows, and it likely hasn’t been in the past either.  Even if you’ve mustered the strength to look at and work through some of the hard parts of your story, we’re all still shaped—for better or worse—by what’s happened to us and the choices we’ve made.  Context always matters. 
 
The truth is, though, that being able to tell someone about how you’re really feeling, or open up about the tough parts of your past, or process through something that you’ve been struggling with is incredibly healing.  A former mentor once said, “it’s like taking out the trash”—you get to physically release it from your body.  And even if the problem isn’t solved, you often feel better after. 
 
The caveat to this is that people aren’t always kind in response.  Not everyone will be trustworthy with your vulnerability.  Most people still need to earn the right to hear your story.  I was amazed at what people were willing to tell me (a complete stranger) as I sat with them in a hospital room.  Maybe it was because I wasn’t in a position to judge or try to “fix” them, just to hold space for their stories as they told them (case in point:  I once had a woman share with me for an hour and a half, and I hardly had to say a word).  Or maybe they had a lack of others willing to listen compassionately in their actual lives (not that people didn’t care, but perhaps they assumed they already knew, or didn’t have the time, or had trouble hearing without judgment).  There’s no way to know for sure, but still… food for thought.
 
In any case, my point of encouragement to you:  consider your own story and how it’s shaped you, practice sharing it with others (it is truly a gift), and learn to love yourself as the protagonist.  No interesting hero is perfect, and neither will you be, but it’s still your story and you deserve to tell it. 
 
And also:  be the type of person who is willing to listen to someone else’s story.  You don’t have to judge or fix… just listen.  The depth of their experience could astound you, and more importantly, you have no idea what it could mean to them.